Barbara

So that is the story of our “first” horse. We have four now and they each have their special stories. But what does that have to do with the changes in my life?

In the time when we owned Napoleon before he went to Jeff’s, I learned a very close friend was dying. She had colon cancer, had treated it both conventionally and holistically, had a brief stage of remission, but it had now progressed into her abdomen.

Barbara was my older step-sister’s best friend.

Digressing a moment here, my family dynamics would take a separate Blog and probably another 53 years to explain…so I won’t get into the detail….Trust me, although interesting, it is convoluted at best.

I had known her since I was 13 and in a crazy turn of events, she fell in love and married my sister’s father, had 3 children and then divorced him. The kids, my step-brother and sisters were all in their 20’s when she fell ill.

Also at this time I was reading Linda Kohanov’s books, The Tao of Equs and Riding Between the Worlds. I was beginning to have an understanding how a horse in your life does not just mean a thing to ride. You can have them in your life just to be connected to them. There was a spiritual connection possible. I was also discovering that I was a spiritual person.

One evening in January we were out at the stables with a friend. We were in the covered, but not enclosed arena walking Napoleon while she rode. It was cold, but the wind wasn’t blowing so not too bad. I got a call on my cell and it was Barbara’s oldest daughter. Barbara was in bad shape. Her abdomen was distended and she was in pain. She had been staying with her father and had decided to go home and have hospice come in.

6 weeks before this moment, Barbara found out the cancer had come back. Her mother vowed she would not see another daughter die. Barbara’s younger sister had been hit and killed as she walked along the street by a drunk driver 20 years earlier. Within 2 weeks she had willed herself to die. In another two weeks one Barbara’s closest friends died of brain cancer.

I live in Idaho and this part of my family lives in the Los Angeles area. I could not imagine what the energy was like there and all I could do was to be as much support as possible. It was tragic. I mean tragic like you read about in Gothic novels or see in the movies. I still shake my head at the pain and suffering that went on in that short period of time.

So there I am in the middle of the arena, 8:00 at night, 38º, talking to Barbara’s oldest about what would happen next. I knew it would be better for me to make the trip after she was gone, but it seemed imminent and so I was trying to get a sense of when to book the travel.

Joe and I had come to the stable that night to work with Napoleon. He would not let us handle his feet with any regularity, nor would he allow us to touch him all over. So we would do what we could and move a little further each time we were with him. Because our friend was riding her horse in the arena at the same time it created a little more tension. At the time of the call Joe was walking him around introducing him to various spooky spots.

I was completely focused on the call and did not even notice when Napoleon guided Joe towards me, stopped in front of me and allowed me to rest my elbows on his back while I talked. I remember clearly his warmth and I stroked his hair and scratched him just as if he was one of the “broke” horses.
During the call, I realized that no one in LA had really come to grips with the fact that Barbara was going to die. I had known since the day she told me 1½ years earlier. And it was not so much that they didn’t believe she would die from this, but that in her current condition she would be going home and months later she would die. It was not for me to enlighten my sister at that moment and as I hung up the phone and turned to tell Joe what was transpiring, Napoleon walked off and stood by Joe.

As I came out of my concentration, I looked at Joe and our friend and they were staring at me with mouths open.
TBC……