Good Bye

Our friend asked me if I realized what had just happened and at that moment it hadn’t dawned on me what had occurred. She said that she felt Napoleon had come to support me. After that moment things went back to normal for him. He was still leery of trusting us and would not allow us to touch him all over his body.

But in that moment, he was there for me and it was very special.

Early the next morning I had a dream. Barbara and I were standing high up in an open valley that led down to the sea. The understanding was that we were looking down onto Ventura where her apartment was. She was very agitated and telling me that she had to get home. When I looked into the valley again it was flooded and I knew her place was under water.

I woke up and knew something was going to happen. I looked at the clock, noted the time and fell back into an uneasy sleep. I called her daughter as early as possible in the morning to find out what was going on. Barbara was on morphine and had a restless night but seemed to be resting easy.

I was not surprised to get the call at noon saying she had died. It was sudden. She had gotten up and was in the living room with some family and friends. She stood up to go to the bathroom, fell to the floor and was gone.

My older sister called me in complete hysteria. She had not really understood or wanted to believe that Barbara would die. I felt helpless and so very sad for everyone down there.

Don’t get me wrong, I was sad that Barbara was gone. But I tend to go into the “take care of the living” mode in these situations. Barbara’s death still affects me everyday. I have made major changes in my life that are directly related to her life and death.

About a year later I had another dream. My office was asked to remodel a toilet room for a business in the same building. I went there to survey the existing conditions. There was Barbara! We were working in the same building, but I didn’t know it. She was happy with her new job and living in Boise. I was upset that she had not gotten in touch with me before now. She said she wanted to get moved in and settled before she told me she was there. I was irritated, but happy to see her. She was very happy and peaceful. I woke up from that dream with a big sigh and a little sadness.